


Run, Run, Run

by FuckYeahChilton



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Awkward Kissing, Drunken Confessions, Friendship/Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Rescue, Survival
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4860701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuckYeahChilton/pseuds/FuckYeahChilton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't realize what you have until it's gone. Murphy is gone and Bellamy realizes something.</p><p>(Starting after the events of S2, no relations to the books (because I didn't read them)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bellamy's dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys.  
> Monday night I had to keep myself awake very long and I ended up starting to write this. Inspired by this beautiful song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjIz4mV4FSU  
> Not sure where this is going yet but, you know, I have to handle feels and stuff ^^; 
> 
> Hope you have fun reading~  
> (Also this is my first The 100 fanfic...Just love the show)

 

*****

 

  
_Tell me how you closed the door_  
Knowin' nobody could love you more  
Tellin' all your friends that this love was just made for bleedin'  
Hung up underwater but still keep on, tryin' to breath in 

_Our lust for fighting  
Tied up in silence_  
(Run Run Run)

 

  


***1***

 

Bright, blue eyes were staring at him. He couldn’t find hate in them, just sadness, disappointment.  
Still they weren’t afraid to keep watching. Watching him die. That’s how they wanted to see him.  
Dead.  
He was smiling.  
He didn’t want to hear an apology.  
All he wanted was making him feel the same, but what exactly?  
The fear of death? The pain? Or being betrayed by a friend…  
Killed by the hand of someone who was supposed to be loyal…

The ground under his feet vanished and everything turned black.

Pain.

Bellamy woke up and sat up straight, breathing heavily.  
He laid his hand around his throat, realizing that nothing was tied around it, keeping him from breathing.  
Tears were burning in his eyes and he wiped them away hastily.  
This damn dream again..  
Now that he had nothing too important to think about anymore, it was hunting him every night.

“I’m so sorry…”, he whispered into the darkness. 

It must have been in the middle of the night, but outside was still noise from the guards in the camp.  
The new so called hero of the Sky People closed his eyes and listened to the calming sound of crackling fire from the outside.  
The times when he was distracting himself with more than one girl at once were long gone.  
By now, Bellamy was finally ready to accept whom he actually had a crush on from the beginning.  
The one he had picked out of the crowd..  
The one he always wanted to keep close and the one he had pushed away more than once at the same time.  
It would have been easier if he had died like it would have been easier if no one from the Ark who knew that he shot the chancellor would have come down.

-Coward-

Murphy’s voice echoed in his head.  
That’s what he was… a selfish coward… but not anymore. But now it was probably too late.  
He was gone, most likely dead.  
Yes, he was an ass most of the time, but at least he always stood behind whatever shit he was doing. Always still able to look into everyone’s eyes…  
Bellamy had been a selfish asshole himself so he had no right to blame his former companion.  
He had blamed him for being a traitor but all he wanted was staying alive.

“I betrayed you first..”, he confessed quietly and without a witness.

Bellamy remembered the moment Murphy saved his life. The moment when he was safe and they looked into each other’s eyes was like a silent forgiveness on both sides.  
Or maybe it was just a short moment of exposing their real feelings.  
At least that was it what Bellamy hoped. That what he saw in Murphy’s eyes was relief that he had managed to save him.  
That he wanted him alive and around and just his pride kept him from forgiving.  
He wished he could just make it all up and they could start over.  
Even if he could never be tamed, and maybe that was what he loved about him the most, he wanted him back by his side.  
Or at least back in the camp.. There were things unsaid and Bellamy didn’t want to live with that feeling anymore.  
Whatever was going on in John Murphy’s head, he needed him to know the truth.

Bellamy rolled out of his bed to get some fresh air.  
He walked around for a while, lost in thoughts, as a hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality.  
With rising heartbeat, he turned around and looked into the concerned face of his sister.

“Octavia.. why aren’t you asleep?”, he mumbled with a slightly parental undertone, but he was too tired and too sad to be willing to play big brother now.  
“Because I am a big girl and can sleep whenever the hell I want?”, she smiled and made him at least smile a little.  
“What’s wrong, Bell?”, she asked and he broke the eye contact.  
“Nothing. I just couldn’t sleep.”  
“Yeah, you can try telling that to the grounders, but I am your sister. I know you.”  
He sighed and shrugged.  
“Just..missing someone..”  
“Clarke?”, Octavia assumed and Bellamy looked back into her eyes. He could just nod now and it would be so easy.

-Coward-

“No. Someone else..”, he confessed and the voice in his head remained silent for now.

“Murphy?”, she asked right away and Bellamy felt like fainting for a moment. How did she..?  
“How do I know?”, she answered his unsaid question while he was still standing there with his mouth opened and no words coming out.  
“Come on.. Do you think I didn’t notice how you always looked at him? Not that I understand that at all but you obviously seem to have a thing for him.. Also he is the only other gone person that could be of any interest to you. ”

Bellamy closed his mouth and nodded barely visible, not able to look into his sister’s eyes any longer.

“Don’t worry, I’m not judging.. He was kind of your friend once, so..”, she assured, her voice soft now.

“It’s different.. I was judging and denying myself long enough..”, Bellamy said quietly. “Now it is too late anyway. He is gone.”  
Slowly realizing what this was really about, Octavia started a try to cheer her brother up.  
“As long as he is not dead, it is not too late.”  
“What, ..you mean I should follow him? All I know is a vague direction... Also I can’t leave the camp now, people seem to need me..” Bellamy took a deep breath and looked up into the sky.  
“Never said that it is a good idea to follow him. But you already made your decision, didn’t you?”  
Bellamy closed his eyes and felt a chilly breeze blowing softly through his curly hair.  
“No, but I feel the urge to do it..”, he whispered and breathed in the fresh air, eyes still closed.  
“Then do it, Bell.. I know how that urge feels.. And the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter if it makes sense or not.”  
She was thinking about Lincoln while she said that and it felt surreal considering that this conversation was about John Murphy, but she just had to know what Bellamy already implied.  
“..Do you love him?”, Octavia asked eventually, without looking at her brother and Bellamy remained silent for a while until he opened his eyes again, watching the night sky.  
“I guess..”  
“Are you out of your mind?”  
“Probably..”  
They exchanged glances and Bellamy smirked.  
“I don’t even expect him to love me back, I just need him around. I need...him..here.”  
“Then I guess you never noticed his glances..”, Octavia laughed.  
“You mean those -I wanna see you suffering and then dead-glances?”  
“Nah. The longing ones… Hungry for your attention.”, she added theatrically and laughed again.  
“Great that you have so much fun stomping on my broken heart.”, he replied in a joking way, making Octavia now feeling the urge to hug her big brother and she wrapped her arms around him.  
“I love you, Bell. No matter what cockroach you choose.. And if you’re just staying because of me, you don’t have to. Go find him before that dick gets himself killed..”

Bellamy pulled his sister into a tight embrace.  
“I’m scared that it is already too late. He could be dead already…”  
“Bad weeds grow tall.”, Octavia said and smiled at her brother.  
“When did you become so wise..”  
Both laughed.  
“Come on. I’ll help you pack. Better leave now before someone holds you back.”  
“I sense that you want me out of the camp as soon as possible, don’t you?”  
“No.. I just think of what I would do. I would go after the one I love without thinking twice. Just promise me that you will be back. With or without him, just come back to me in one piece.”

“I promised that I will always be there for you and I will keep that promise.”, Bellamy assured, “And thank you for being there for me, too. It felt good to finally talk about it… And I really fucked it up with Murphy.. It wasn’t his fault.. At least I have to tell him that..”  
“Oh come on… He was born to be an ass. You had no influence on that.”  
“No one is born to be an ass.. Bad things happened to him and I did the worst to him.. For a while I thought it would free me if he would die.. I just hated myself for wanting him. Also.. he saved my life..”  
“He tried to kill you first.”  
“After I almost killed him while everyone was cheering for his death… I said he deserves to die..into his face. I’m not saying that there is an excuse for everything he did but I am not better.. There is no excuse for what I did to him; all I can ask for is a second chance… I’m tired of running away from myself.”

 

*****

 


	2. Into the unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I was really surprised that people actually started reading this! Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! That was really motivating <3 I hope you enjoy the next chapter as well =) Have a nice weekend~

 

 

*** 2 ***

 

 

 

Bellamy was waiting at the place where they always sneaked out of the camp, carrying a backpack full of supplies that would help him get through a few days and a gun to protect him.  
Octavia asked Raven for help, telling her that Bellamy wanted to go looking for Clarke and now he was waiting for her return.  
What was taking her so long? It was almost dawn and as soon as someone would realize that he was gone, they would come after him.

He was about to lose his patience, as he finally saw his sister coming out of the shadows, silent like a cat.  
“Sorry..”, she whispered. “I asked Lincoln to draw you a map. All we know is that they left to find something called the City of Light.”, she unfolded the paper and pointed at a hand-drawn area.  
“You have to make it until here; it’s called the Dead Zone. From there you are on your own. Try to find the City of Light and you have a chance to find Murphy.”  
“Does this city even exist?”, Bellamy asked visibly concerned and Octavia shrugged. “Who knows? And anyway, that’s not what you hope to find, right?”, she smiled.  
“Right..”, Bellamy seemed deep in thoughts for a moment, then he looked at his sister.  
“This is stupid, right? Am I stupid..? Why aren’t you trying to talk me out of it..?”  
“What do you wanna hear? Don’t go, it’s too dangerous.. Murphy isn’t worth risking your life.. It’s just a phase, you’ll get over it.. Choose something. It wouldn’t change a thing, would it?”  
“Hm…no.”, Bellamy smiled.  
“Look.. I’m not happy about this.. You could just wait for him to come back. Also I’d rather see you with someone else but.. that’s not my decision to make.”  
“Murphy hates Jaha.. Why would he go with him? I think he just took the opportunity to leave this place where everyone hates him and no one is willing to give him a chance. I don’t think he had plans on coming back if he finds a better place where no one knows him.. Just for the record, I probably haven’t changed at all. Still selfish.. I’m going to get him back now.”  
Damn Jaha, Bellamy thought, first he killed his mother and then he locked up his sister. Now he took his Murphy, but he wouldn’t just accept that.  
Bellamy straightened himself up and Octavia smiled at him.  
“I could imagine he wouldn’t care what people think, as long as you want him here.. Do I have to want him here, because then I need to work on my fake smile until you come back.”  
Bellamy poked his sister’s shoulder.  
“If he becomes family, you have to.”  
“What a happy family we will become, because we all know how much Murphy loves Grounders.”, Octavia countered, raising an eyebrow and Bellamy rolled his eyes.  
“Okay, enough, first I have to find him and if I manage to make him not hate me anymore, we can keep talking.”

Just in this moment, Octavia noticed a light signal from Raven.  
“It is time. You can leave now.”, she said, trying to keep her voice steady, what turned out to be more difficult than expected, considering that she didn’t know if she would see her brother again.  
Bellamy nodded.  
“Be safe..”, she said and hugged him again.  
“You too..”, he replied quietly, kissed her forehead and then vanished through the fence into the darkness.

“Good luck, Bell..”, Octavia whispered and dashed away a single tear.  
She had no idea why the hell it had to be John Murphy, but it didn’t matter.  
Bellamy deserved to be happy and he definitely wasn’t even close to happy lately.  
Now she knew why and she would find a way to live with it.  
Life could be over so fast, so why not spend as much time as possible with the ones you love. 

Bellamy rushed through the forest, careful not to make too much noise, but as fast as he could.  
Adrenaline kept him energetic and the farther he moved away from the camp, the voice in his head screaming: ‘Turn around and forget about it!’ was slowly fading.  
There was no going back now, his decision was made.  
“Whatever the hell we want.”, he whispered to himself as a mantra to stay motivated.  
He wanted Murphy and that was all that mattered to him at the moment.  
Too many people have already lost their loved ones; on the Ark as well as on the ground.  
He wasn’t willing to join the club again, not yet…not now.

It was around late afternoon when Bellamy stopped for the first time as he passed a little lake.  
He took the chance to drink half of the water he was carrying and refilled the bottle.  
It was too soon to eat something though he was hungry already, but that would keep him awake.  
His journey into the unknown went without problems so far and he decided to rest for a moment to check the map.  
The position of the sun showed him that he was walking into the right direction, but he was still deep in the woods.  
“Quite a long way to go, I guess..”, he mumbled to himself and sighed. At least he didn’t pass any dead bodies so far.  
It was autumn, days became shorter and nights colder, so he decided to walk a little more until it was time to find a safe place to sleep a little.  
“Why again am I doing this for you?”, he asked out loud, grabbed his stuff and kept walking.  
-Never asked you to-, he heard Murphy’s voice in his head and nodded.  
“I know. I’m doing this for myself. I dare you be happy, wherever you are.”

Bellamy would prefer to appear kind of heroic, saving Murphy from one of the countless hells waiting out there instead of finding him in a better place, hanging out with new friends and totally making a fool out of himself.  
“Stop thinking!”, he dictated to himself. Going through all possible scenarios didn’t help at all; it was just driving him crazy.  
About four hours later, he found a broken car, barely visible because it was almost completely overgrown with plants, but he could still open the door and that seemed to be a good place to find some sleep.

It took Bellamy three more days until he finally reached what couldn’t be anything else but the so called Dead Zone.  
After climbing a hill, he had a perfect view on an area that was nothing but a huge desert.  
“Awesome..”  
When there was a city around here, it must have been far, because he saw nothing but sand and sky.

-What did you get yourself into, huh?-

Bellamy was exhausted, his whole body ached and for a moment he really thought there was Murphy standing next to him, with a sardonic smile on his lips. 

-Inviting, isn’t it? Good luck finding me.-

Bellamy blinked twice and then Murphy was gone.  
He looked over the bleak landscape again and swallowed hard.  
If he would get lost there, he would die. With only little left of his supplies and a single bottle of water..

-Go back, Coward.-

Bellamy winced and looked to the other side, seeing Murphy again.  
“You wish.”, he said, his expression hardening.  
He decided to ignore the voices in his head and let himself sink on the ground, trying to think about what to do.  
There were definitely people around here, searching for the City of Light.  
If he would find some, maybe he could ask for an advice or if someone had seen Jaha’s group.  
Or they would capture him, take all his stuff and then eat him, who knew.

“Screw it. If you made it, I can make it. If you didn’t, I don’t care anyway..”

It was true. He knew Octavia was in good hands and also able to take care of herself.  
Of course she wanted him back because she loved him, but he was not really needed anymore.  
In fact he wasn’t since the moment she stepped on earth.  
He wanted to feel needed by someone again and he wanted it to be Murphy.

-Yeah, but you can’t just decide that I need you, dumbass.-

“SHUT UP!”

Bellamy stood up, rushed down the hill and just kept walking.  
If he was lucky, he would make it to the next dunes until sunset and whatever was lying behind them would tell him what to do next.

***


	3. In the desert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! For this chapter, I have a song again.. (maybe I am going to make a playlist X3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf_i2tLihNQ  
> It is the last one of Bellamy's "lonely" journey and I hope you like it, even if it is not that special but I'm writing just for fun, so.. =) 
> 
> See you next time, and then finally with Murphy =D

 

 

_So everything I do  
No I can't forget about you_

_I'm far away from life_  
Have a lucifer inside  
I'm far away from my dreams  
In the desert I found myself crying 

_("The Desert" - Dark Circle Knights)  
_

 

 

 

*** 3 ***

 

 

Nothing.  
Nothing was lying behind the dunes Bellamy had climbed with his last strength for today.  
The same picture as before; sand and sky.  
The sun was going down and it would have been a breathtaking picture in a different situation.  
The huge fireball was painting the ground and sky in beautiful shades of red, yellow and orange.  
But all Bellamy could see was no hope to find Murphy any time soon.  
He didn’t even know into what direction he should go.  
As far as he could see, everything looked the same.

He needed a place to rest. Just a few hours…  
In the distance, Bellamy spotted some rocks and decided to go there and use them as protection from potential strangers.  
Who knew what kind of people were walking around here at night...  
It would probably be a good idea to keep moving, but Bellamy couldn’t even remember when he slept the last time and tomorrow would be a long day, so he needed to rest at least a little.  
With the sun gone, it suddenly turned very cold so he searched for shelter in the shadows of the rocks and wrapped himself into the blanket he was carrying with him.  
In this moment, he felt like being the only living creature on this goddamn planet and he never felt so lonely before.

-It sucks, right? Being all alone...-

“Shut up, Murphy..”, he mumbled weakly, out of habits.

-Can’t take it? You banished me. Sent me away on my own to die. Would be just fair if you’d die here.-

“I know.. I was an ass… I wish I could make it all undone. I believed you when you said you didn’t kill him..”

-But you still kicked the box away.-

“I did and I am so sorry. I would have let you die and I hate myself for that..”

-So do I. Still you are looking for me. What do you expect me to do? Jump into your arms? Won’t happen.-

“Murphy… I..”, Bellamy looked to the right, but no one was sitting next to him.

-Over here, asshole.-

He looked to the other side.  
“Are you dead? Are you Murphy’s ghost?”, Bellamy asked, though he knew that he was talking like a complete idiot.

-Nope. Just your subconscious mind, imagining what I would probably say. Try to get some sleep before you are going crazy.-

“So there is a chance you’re going to jump into my arms?”

-Sure. I love you.-

“Do you?”

-How should I know? Now I am just your wishful thinking.-

Bellamy sighed and looked up into the sky.  
Wherever Murphy was, maybe he was looking at the same sky right now and that thought was kind of comforting.  
“Maybe I jump into your arms..”, he mumbled.  
He couldn’t even remember when or why he fell in love with the boy who caused nothing but trouble.  
All he knew was that he missed him. He had no idea how it would be like, having Murphy back.  
Would they act like friends? Would he forgive him and start following him again?  
But where to follow… Now that the adults were back, Bellamy had no leading position anymore.  
He was a nobody again, like he had been on the Ark.

-The nobody and the outcast. Sounds like quite a story that goes down in history.-

“I miss you..”, Bellamy said.  
It was easy to say it out loud with no one around who could hear him.  
Would he be able to say it into his face like he said he deserved to die? Like he said he was a traitor…  
He closed his eyes and tried not to think about it anymore. He needed to sleep.

It was early morning, when Bellamy woke up by the feeling of not being alone anymore.  
Eyes kept shut he felt the hands of a stranger, carefully searching through his stuff.  
His instincts were so well trained by now, that he was awake and fully aware of the situation immediately.  
He tightened his grip around the weapon that he was holding in his hand while he was asleep and carefully opened one eye.  
It was a woman, her head wrapped up in thick fabric, looking like she was an inhabitant of the desert for a long time.  
As she reached out for his water bottle, he grabbed her wrist and and pointed the gun at her.

“Don’t move.”, he said, his voice dark and she stared at him, eyes wide open.

“I thought you were dead.. I was looking for water and food..”, she said through the fabric that still covered her mouth.  
“I am unarmed and alone.”  
Bellamy didn’t trust her and wasn’t willing to lower the gun, but he said: “Show me your face.”

She removed the fabric and took a closer look at the guy in front of her. His eyes showed her that he was not to be tricked easily and his appearance looked familiar.

“My name is Emori. You don’t look like you belong into a place like this, stranger.”

“Keep your hands where I can see them.”, Bellamy ordered and finally lowered the weapon, as the girl named Emori did so.

“My name is Bellamy Blake. I am not here to cause any trouble, I am looking for someone. He left our home to search for the City of Light.”

“Everyone in the Dead Zone is looking for the City of Light and no one who does has a home.”, she said.

“It was a quite large group of people, dressed like me. If you have seen them or are willing to give me an advice where to go, I am willing to give you half of my supplies for any information.”, he offered.

Emori hesitated.  
She knew what people he was talking about. The group she had led into a trap.  
This guy wasn’t worth bringing him to her people, he didn’t look like he had much to give and he seemed much more mistrustful than the group around the man called Jaha.

“Give me some water first.”, she required and handed over her empty bottle. A trade seemed like the best way to get something from this encounter.

Bellamy nodded and took the bottle, as a change of light exposed something barely visible.  
Close to the bottom on the right side, he saw two letters sticking out, carved into the aluminum. J.M.  
He jumped on his feet and pulled the gun again.  
“Where did you get this?”, he growled and the look on his face gave Emori chills.  
“I found it in the desert…”, she replied, still calm.  
“LIAR!”, he shouted but she didn’t even blink.  
“This belongs to my friend John Murphy and you better tell me where you got this or I’m gonna kill you right now.”

“The boy I got this from had no friends.”, she said and watched Bellamy’s expression change from raging to desperateness.  
“Yes he has. I just missed the right time to tell him..”, Bellamy confessed, tears starting to burn in his eyes.  
“Is he dead?”, he whispered and Emori shook her head slowly.  
“Not the last time I saw him.”  
“And when was that?”  
“A few days ago. I can bring you to the place where I saw him last. But you have to give me all your supplies in return. I will leave you some water.”  
“How am I supposed to make it without supplies..”  
“He had to. If he made it, you can.”

“You robbed them..”, Bellamy concluded and she nodded.  
“Me and my people.. We must do what we have to, if we want to survive. The boy named John was very kind to me. I couldn’t be his friend but if he is important to you, I want to help you find him.”

“Then let’s go.”, Bellamy said and grabbed his stuff.  
The new gained hope gave him energy and he had no other option than believing this woman anyway.

They walked a while, side by side, without saying a word until Emori broke the silence.  
“He said everyone hates him… He seems to mean a lot to you since you came to the Dead Zone all alone to find him, though..”  
“He does..”, Bellamy said quietly, “But I hurt him very much.. Too much, maybe.. I just need to find him. He needs to know that I….” He paused, “That he matters.”

Emori smiled.  
“You should keep working on that speech. When you’re ready to die for him, you should also be ready to tell him why.”

“Yeah, he probably called me a coward for reasons.”

 

 

 

***

 


	4. Lost and found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand here is the next chapter. I thought I post it before I decide whether it is total crap or not.. I let you decide :'D Have a nice rest weekend everybody~ <3

 

 

 

*** 4 ***

 

 

 

“Here it is..”, Emori said after a long walk.  
Bellamy looked around.  
“We are still in the middle of the desert.”, he said exhaustedly.  
The sun was burning and he didn’t eat or drink anything the whole day.  
“Go north. That is what I told John. This was my part of the deal, now fulfill yours. My people are hiding behind the hills. Give me your stuff and you can keep walking.”  
Bellamy nodded.  
“How far is it?”, he asked.  
“You have to find out for yourself.”  
He sighed, dropped his backpack and pulled out his bottle to fill a little bit of the water into Murphy’s bottle.  
“I keep this.”, he said, “I have nothing else left from him..”  
He was about to also hand over the gun, but she gently pushed away his arm.  
“John treated me kindly and I betrayed him. Keep this to protect yourself, there are traitors everywhere. I hope you find what you are looking for, Bellamy Blake.”, she said, her voice strong.  
“Go now.”  
Bellamy nodded and turned around. He kept walking without looking back.  
His grip tight around Murphy’s bottle, he tried not to think about how doomed he was if he wouldn’t find water or food soon.  
All he knew now was that Murphy walked from here without anything to survive, too.  
He didn’t know how far or if he found a safe place. In a few days, anything could have happened.  
Without water he would be dead by now..  
Emori’s words were echoing in his head.  
Murphy really thought everyone hated him, but he showed him his trust, didn’t he?  
When he let him go with Finn..  
When they tried to protect Finn, he came to help, just to find out that the one who invited him just did that to hand him over to the grounders.  
He tried not to show how much that hurt him but Bellamy had seen it in his eyes. He should have talked to him about that.  
He should have talked to him at all.

Murphy wasn’t the psychopath people thought he was. He did bad things but so did everyone else.  
He also did good things but nobody saw that.

-Don’t you worry, Bellamy, I won’t drop you.-

And he didn’t..  
Bellamy knew that this was the real John Murphy. He had the heart of a fighter; one who stood up for his friends no matter what it would cost.  
One who got locked up in space after his parents got killed and then sent down to earth to die.  
Who could blame him for being an aggressive asshole, but he was not blindly aggressive and he really calmed down.  
Murphy tried to be helpful, tried to be part of the group but everyone kept pushing him away, including him.

Bellamy didn’t even realize that he was running, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
Just one more hill to climb. He could make it. He would make it. He would see his friend again.  
On top of the next dune, he didn’t see what he was hoping for.  
Again another picture of sand and nothing but sand.  
Bellamy screamed his lungs out and went down on his knees.  
This was a nightmare..  
He dug his fingers into the sand and threw it into the void, uncontrollably sobbing.  
“I love you..”, he whimpered and rolled on his back, trying to catch his breath.  
Looking up into the sky slowly calmed him a little.  
The still working part of his brain knew that he was dehydrated and his body probably worked only on his pure willpower by now.  
If he would snap now, he would be lost.

He wiped away the tears and more or less walked down the hill, as he noticed it wasn’t pure sand at all what was lying in front of him.  
There were traces of impacts and if he saw right…body parts..  
“No..”, he whispered as he recognized pieces of clothes that looked too familiar, even if they were slightly covered with sand, what was a sign that they must have been lying here like this for a while now.  
Carefully, Bellamy walked by the trace of human remains and stood still when he wasn’t able to track any path anymore.  
About 15 meters away from his spot, he could see footprints. They were washed over with sand but still visible.  
This must have been a group of people and he was sure that it could have been no one else but Jaha’s group.  
The path wasn’t straight and Bellamy slowly realized that he was standing in the middle of a mine field.

“Oh crap..”, he mumbled and closed his eyes.  
He just had to make it to the place where the footprints started. That would be the only safe way to the other side.

Without thinking about it too much, he just kept moving forward, eyes still closed, while his heart was beating so loud that it echoed in his ears.  
When he opened his eyes again, he was standing on the path and laughed out loud.  
He did it.  
Bellamy followed the footprints in the sand, his heart still beating fast.  
Whoever got blown up by a mine, it wasn’t Murphy. He just felt it. Murphy was alive and he was close.  
He didn’t even know if it was imagination or if the horizon was actually glowing golden, but he was on the right way.  
Bellamy gave a shit about whatever city could be around here; his people were here and that meant Murphy was here.  
He wasn’t even surprised that he didn’t find a shining city behind the next hill, but a huge field of solar panels instead.  
He started running again, following the signs of others who walked here before, until he reached the open sea breathlessly.  
“JOHN!”, he shouted into the wind and waited for a reply, but all he got was the sound of the moving water.  
He walked along the beach for a while, but there wasn’t any sign of other people around the area, so he walked back because he saw a lonely boat, just waiting for some fool to jump in and cross the ocean.

-You made it through the desert for me…can’t get worse, right?-

Murphy was standing next to him, looking at the only way to move forward.

“It is too late to go back… The only way is to keep moving further..I guess..” 

-I’m waiting on the other side.- Murphy said and vanished.

“I hope you’re right..”, Bellamy replied and jumped into the little boat.

 

It was about noon, when John Murphy left the lighthouse he was currently living in, to check for Jaha.  
The man had promised him to come back. Well.. the man had promised him a lot.  
Yet he was on his own again.  
Two days ago, the boat they arrived with was gone. No message, nothing.  
He wasn’t willing to leave a message where he was either, he needed no strangers to come to his new home and take his booze.  
So even if he was weak on his legs, he checked the beach everyday with the hope that Jaha would come for him.  
That didn’t happen, but what he could see from afar now was that the boat was back and he spotted a body in the sand.

“Company. Yay.”, he said dryly and walked down to the water.

While he came closer, he realized that the person looked annoyingly familiar.  
He reached the body and kicked it over with his foot to see the face.

“Are you fucking kidding me…”

Murphy didn’t know if he should laugh or cry about the fact that it was no one else but Bellamy Blake.  
He checked his pulse and felt an unpleasant rush of relief as he got the assurance that Bellamy was just unconscious.

He heaved him up and dragged him to the lighthouse, what turned out to be more difficult than expected.

“Just one question. How far is far enough that I don’t have to see your stupid face anymore, hm?”, Murphy grumbled through gritted teeth, while he somehow managed to get the other guys heavy body into the bunker.  
He just left him on the floor to get some stuff to reanimate his former companion and came back with a bowl of water and a cloth.  
He knelt down next to him, pulled his head on his lap and started dabbing the dirt and sweat off his face.  
“Hey, asshole.. wake up.”, he said and felt a cramping pain in his chest.  
“Come on, Bellamy… Don’t do this to me, okay?” Murphy’s voice broke and he fought back the urge to cry.  
He didn’t want to admit to himself that seeing a familiar face, here at what felt like the end of the world, made him entirely happy; especially the stupid face of Bellamy Blake.  
He refreshed the cloth, left it on his forehead and let his fingers run through Bellamy’s dirty hair over and over.  
“No one else is here.. You could try acting like a friend just once, I won’t tell anybody..”, Murphy almost pleaded.  
He had no idea what could bring Bellamy to come here, but he also had not time to think about that any longer because his eyelids started flickering.

“Bellamy! Can you hear me?”, Murphy asked and felt his heartbeat rising.  
“Hey!”, he started slapping his cheek and finally the other guy opened his eyes.

It took a while until Bellamy realized, that he was awake and who was looking down at him.

“Murphy?”, he mumbled and reached out an arm to touch his friends face. “Are you real?”  
“I think so.”, he replied and Bellamy closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath.  
“Am I dead? Is this heaven?”  
Murphy assumed that his guest was a little bit not himself yet and shook his head.  
“Nope. Still alive, still in hell.”, he said and Bellamy looked at him again.  
“I found you..”, he breathed weakly.  
“Actually.. _I_ found _you_.”, Murphy corrected and his heart skipped a beat as Bellamy smiled at him in a way he never saw him smile before.  
And he smiled back.

 

***

 

 


	5. The last song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the next song to add to the tracklist is this =) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVO8sUrs-Pw I hope you enjoy the new chapter and thanks so much to those who leave motivating comments! <3
> 
> (Included Lyrics: "Wake me up when september ends" by Green Day)

 

 

*** 5 ***

 

 

“Welcome to my new dream home.”, Murphy said with an inviting gesture, as Bellamy finally managed to get up on his feet and looked around curiously.  
“ _Your_ dream home?”, he asked slightly amused and Murphy shrugged.  
“Finders, keepers.”  
“What is this place? It’s amazing.” Bellamy pointed out and could barely believe what he saw.  
“We are inside the lighthouse. It belonged to some dude who killed himself on camera. May I offer you a drink and some ..ancient.. crackers?”  
“Absolutely.”, Bellamy nodded and sat down on the luxurious couch. “And then you tell me what happened to the rest of your group.”  
Murphy picked out some Whiskey he discovered as very tasty and two glasses.  
“All who followed Jaha until this point are dead, except me and the "Chancellor" himself. He promised to come back for me, but as you can see, he didn’t. I’m telling you, that man is insane.”, he explained while placing the glasses on the table and filled both of them before he joined Bellamy on the couch.  
“And now tell me what you’re doing here.. Where’s your group?”  
“There was no group.. I came alone..”, Bellamy said and took a sip. “Wow. This is good stuff.”  
He felt Murphy’s wary glance on him and his heart started beating faster.

“Why?”

Bellamy looked at Murphy, not sure what to answer. It was too hard to believe that he was sitting in some kind of paradise, alone with the one he loved, drinking and talking like they were just too old friends who haven't met for a while.  
Murphy looked tired, calm, a little bit cleaner that he used to but still wearing his own shabby clothes.  
Bellamy chugged his drink and took one of the crackers. He hoped that it would give him some time to think of a plausible answer.  
“Since you guys didn’t come back..”, he started while chewing on his cracker that tasted like nothing, “And the grounders still want us off their property, someone had to check if there is some City of Light..”  
“How did you find this place?”, Murphy kept asking and Bellamy felt that he wasn’t buying it.  
“I met a girl in the desert.. She had your bottle.. We made a deal and she led me to the place where she’d seen your group last.”  
Murphy rolled his eyes.  
“Ah. That girl.. I thought she could be someone special, you know.. Until she threatened to slit my throat if we wouldn’t give her all our stuff. I should have known better.”, he said quietly, with a sad smile on his lips.  
Bellamy looked away and tried to hide how hard those words hit him.  
He liked that girl…  
That’s why he had been nice to her.. How could he have been so stupid to assume that he could have a chance being with Murphy in a way he probably wanted to be with that girl..  
“Screw her..”, he just said in return and tried to manage a cheerful smile.  
“Screw everyone.”, Murphy said quietly and looked into his glass, vaguely smiling.

After a moment of silence between them, Bellamy asked: “Would you mind if I stay over the night? It’s dark on the streets and I am too drunk to drive.”  
Murphy laughed out silently.  
“Make yourself comfortable.”, he replied and turned his head, locking eyes with Bellamy, his smile slowly fading.  
This time, Bellamy couldn’t look away. He got lost in those intense eyes he had been afraid to never see again.  
He tried to read them but it was impossible. All he knew was that he wanted them to never stop looking at him.  
‘I missed you so much..’, was what he wanted to say. “Where is the bathroom?”, he asked instead.

Murphy pointed into a direction.  
“Over there. Can’t miss it.”  
He watched Bellamy getting up and gazed after him, until he vanished around the corner.  
He sighed, emptied his glass in one sip and wrapped himself up in a blanket.  
Bellamy had never acted like this around him before and it was kind of confusing, but he decided just to embrace it instead of questioning.  
It wasn’t the time for reproaching, this was exactly what he needed right now; a friend with a genuine smile on his face.  
A carefree moment, even if it was just pretended.  
At a place that was too good to be true, together with the one who meant so much to him, that he had the power to hurt him the most.  
But all he wanted now was to find his inner peace and he wanted peace with Bellamy.  
Some higher force led him here for a reason and Murphy believed that this was it. 

The sound of the shower assured him that this wasn’t just a dream. Bellamy was here.. He was here with him.  
About half an hour later, his guest came back, wearing just his pants and t-shirt now and looking refreshed.  
“Feeling better?”, Murphy asked and Bellamy smiled. “Much better.”  
He didn’t care that he was wearing his dirty clothes again instead of choosing the bathrobe that was hanging in the bathroom.  
This was him now. That was what he felt comfortable in.  
“I could get used to this place.”, he said and made himself comfortable on the couch again.  
“Stay as long as you like.”, Murphy offered. “Wanna watch some TV? I found a funny show recorded after that suicide video.”  
“I could use something funny to calm down.”, Bellamy agreed.  
This situation was far from feeling real, but he liked it. Why not spend an evening with the one he loved but tried to kill and almost got killed by, with some nice drinks and snacks and just doing something ordinary like watching TV.  
Maybe this was the only chance for ever experiencing something like that with him.

“It is just a collection of home video clips where people try to do something cool on camera but totally fail. The pre-apocalypse people really had nothing to do but at least it seemed like they had a lot of fun.”  
“I can’t even remember how that feels like.. having fun..”, Bellamy said thoughtfully and leaned back.  
“Well, we can have some fun now. At least once in a lifetime.”, Murphy replied and gave Bellamy a weak smile.  
“Sounds good.”, Bellamy smiled back.  
“I already watched it about ten times but don’t worry, I won’t spoil anything.”, Murphy assured and changed into a more comfortable position.”  
“I trust you.”, Bellamy said, knowing that the words meant much more than just believing that he won’t get spoiled while watching a DVD.  
Murphy gave him a short glance and nodded barely visible before he finally switched on the TV.

They watched stupid people doing stupid things for a while and Murphy obviously enjoyed it.  
Bellamy wasn’t able to let go of his gloomy mood that easily, but he was fascinated by seeing John Murphy laughing and commenting on how lame people were in the past, like nothing could bother him, but soon the other guy noticed that the fun wasn't shared.  
“Come on, Bellamy. It’s funny. It’s okay to laugh about those jerks; they are dead for more than 100 years.”  
“Yeah. I’m sorry, I am just too tired I guess.”, he tried to excuse himself.

Murphy stopped the video and said: “You must be exhausted after that journey.. Haven’t thought of that.”

“I am.. It was a long trip.. I thought I would never make it..”  
“Make it to what? This is not the City of Light, this is a sugar coated nothing.”  
“To..you..actually..”, Bellamy confessed eventually, not being able to look at Murphy.  
“You came for me.”, he repeated in disbelief more than he asked.  
“Yeah.. Will you come home with me?” Bellamy’s voice was low and his fingernails suddenly very interesting to look at.  
“I don’t have a home.”, Murphy said and his expression turned serious again.  
“Yes you have.”, Bellamy said, now looking at him intensely. “You are one of my people and you belong to us.”  
“Nah, I don’t and you know that. The only one of ‘us’ who didn’t treat me like trash is dead.”  
“For reasons. But we all did things. We all have that monster inside of us but you belong to those who are able to fight it. And you did. And you changed… Just give them time to see it.”  
“Raven..”, Murphy started but pressed his lips together and took a deep breath before he kept talking, his voice shaking. “She wanted to hand me over to the grounders. I came to help. I thought she invited me to be part of ‘us’ again. You think I wanna go back there just to wait for anyone else to need a patsy? I’m not gonna do that. I..”  
“Murphy!”, Bellamy interrupted, grabbed his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes, which were about to tear up.  
“That won’t happen. That won’t ever happen again, I will make sure of that.”, he promised.  
“No it won’t…”, Murphy said with a broken voice and wasn’t able to fight back his tears any longer.  
“Hey.. don’t..”, Bellamy whispered and took his friends face in both hands gently, trying to catch his tears with his thumbs.  
“I tried…I really tried to stop him but he totally lost it.. If I just..”  
“No.. It wasn’t your fault. No one could have stopped him. And what Raven wanted to do, I wouldn’t have let that happen. Ever.”, Bellamy assured once more and Murphy started trembling.  
“Whatever I do, people will keep blaming me for everything..”, he blubbered out angrily and wasn’t able to control his sobbing any longer.  
Out of instinct, Bellamy pulled him into a tight embrace and just let him cry, feeling somehow that this was long overdue.  
Murphy had never shown weakness before and after all what people did to him, there was no way around the point where he couldn’t take any more.  
Also Bellamy secretly enjoyed just holding him in his arms as if he was meant to be nowhere else.  
“It’s okay..”, he whispered into his ear, “You don’t have to be alone anymore.. I am so sorry that it took me so long..”  
Murphy pushed him away gently after a while, wiped away his tears, rubbed his nose and sniffed.  
“Bellamy… You and me.. Are we cool?”, he asked and searched for an answer in his warm, brown eyes.  
“Yes. We’re cool. If you’re able to forgive me?”  
Murphy nodded.  
“Forgiven.”, he said, “And you?”  
“How about all slates wiped clean?”, Bellamy smiled. “Let’s start over.. I really want to count you to my team again..”  
Murphy smiled sadly and looked away.  
“Agreed.”, he mumbled.  
“We can keep watching the show, if you want.”, Bellamy suggested because he hoped it would cheer Murphy up but he shook his head.  
“I’d prefer listening to some music.. I found a song I really like. I want to share that with you.. I want you to remember it..”  
“Sure.”, Bellamy shrugged and watched Murphy grabbing the remote, turning on the music player and searching for the right song.  
After he found it, he leaned back, closed his eyes and listened to the words that had given him the most comfort over the past few days of loneliness.

_Summer has come and passed_  
_The innocent can never last_  
_Wake me up when September ends_

_Like my father's come to pass_  
_Seven years has gone so fast_  
_Wake me up when September ends_

It was a slow, melodic rock song and after Bellamy heard the first lines, he understood why Murphy liked it so much.  
It was like a reflection of the horror they went through, wrapped up in a beautiful sound.  
He looked so tired, Bellamy thought, he had seen him in the worst conditions but now it seemed like all his energy was gone.  
Yet he felt somehow honored that he wanted to share this with him and closed his eyes as well.

_Here comes the rain again_  
_Falling from the stars_  
_Drenched in my pain again_  
_Becoming who we are_

_As my memory rests_  
_But never forgets what I lost_  
_Wake me up when September ends_

Bellamy felt a weight against his shoulder and as he opened his eyes, he saw that Murphy had bumped against him.  
Did he fall asleep? Bellamy felt heat rising in his body. He wanted to lay an arm around Murphy so badly..  
But he was scared that just the slightest wrong move could destroy what he had achieved so far, so he just enjoyed the closeness, Murphy’s tousled hair that tickled his cheek…the heat of his body..  
A gut instinct made him touch his forehead, just to find out that his skin was actually burning.

“Murphy?”, he asked and got a silent groan in return.  
“Hey..are you alright? You’re hot as hell.”  
“Oh, I always wanted to hear those words from a guy like you..”, Murphy mumbled against his shoulder but Bellamy was too worried to be amused.  
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, he asked and shoved Murphy a little bit away, to be able to look at his face.  
The other guy looked at him with lazy eyes and smiled: “Bad news.. I am probably not coming back with you..”  
“Why? What are you talking about?”, Bellamy slightly panicked inside, because the sudden change of Murphy’s condition scared him. Or had he been like this all the time and he just hadn’t noticed because he was too exhausted himself?

“When we crossed the ocean, some sea monster almost bit off my arm.. No idea if it is poison or just a normal infection.. All I know is that it got worse and it’s killing me.. I can feel it… But it’s okay.. I am not alone.. That’s all that matters. I think I’m ready to go now..”

 

 

***

 

 


	6. Die another day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys =)
> 
> I don't know, somehow I can't stop writing so here is the next chapter =D Thank's a lot to those who leave comments/kudos, I love you, you give me life!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next chapter =D
> 
> (Lyrics at the beginning from "Run,Run,Run")

 

 

__

_I wonder how your body tastes_  
_Inside of someone else's place_  
_Pull away your eyes_  
_There's nothing left to heal_  
_I'm alone, but I know everything you feel_

_And you waited on the rain_  
_Through tears my heart is caged_  
_And we fall through fate_  
_But we rise and rise again_

_And I run, run, run, run, run_  
_I just run, run, run_ __

 

 

 

*** 6 ***

 

 

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”, Bellamy asked and stared at his friend, slowly realizing what was going on.  
Just now he noticed that his left arm was bandaged and grabbed his wrist.  
“Let me see this..”  
“Don’t.. It looks ugly..”, Murphy said but wasn’t really struggling against it as Bellamy carefully removed the fabric and exposed the laceration that looked like it was eating up Murphy’s arm from the inside.  
“Oh shit.. I have to get you back to the camp. You need medical treatment right now!” He jumped up, rushed out of the room to get some water and was back within seconds.  
“Here… you need to drink a lot..”  
“Bellamy..”  
“DRINK!”  
Murphy rolled his eyes and took the water.  
“You let me watch stupid TV shows… We could have made it back to the other side by now..”  
“And then? You need to rest and I can barely walk. Do you want to carry me through the desert in this condition? How far do you think we’re going to make it? I’d rather die here in peace than somewhere out there.”  
“Murphy.”, Bellamy grabbed his face, “I am not going to let you die, do you understand? Now drink the damn water.”, he growled and let go of him, because he suddenly had an idea.  
Murphy took his wrist to hold him back and looked up to him.  
“It’s too late, Bellamy. Sometimes you have to accept that you can’t save everyone..”  
“I didn’t cross the desert and an ocean just to watch you die. You saved my life. Now it’s my turn.”

He shook off his hand, turned around and walked away in a hurry.

“Where are you going?”, Murphy yelled after him, but Bellamy was already out of sight.  
He sighed at his stubbornness, looked into his glass and took a sip, because he had nothing better to do.  
His heart was beating fast because he never expected Bellamy to overreact like that just because he was about to die.  
He really seemed to care about him and Murphy didn’t know if he should be happy about that or angry because he hadn’t shown him earlier.  
When he left the camp and joined Jaha’s suicide group, he didn’t even know where Bellamy was..  
Leaving was the thing that made sense for him.  
How should he have been able to team up with the grounders after they tortured him? What if he would have taken Finn’s place?  
No one would have stood there to watch and cry. No one would have come to mercy-kill him…  
He would have suffered the death of 18 people he didn’t kill and no one would have cared.  
At least that was what he assumed.  
But the look on Bellamy’s face, when he realized how bad his condition was, created doubts.  
He heard the other guy coming back in a hurry and turned his head into his direction.

“Would you have mercy-killed me?”, he just asked right away.  
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”, Bellamy replied breathlessly and just dropped what he was carrying on the table.  
“If they had handed me over instead of Finn..”  
Bellamy looked at him with a puzzled expression.  
“I told you, I wouldn’t have let that happen at all so stop thinking about it.”, he said, “Now give me your arm.”  
“What is that?”, Murphy asked without sounding much like he actually wanted to know.  
“Algae. I once cut myself accidentally on the Ark. They treated my wound with synthetic gel of algae extract. I have no idea if this is any help but I don’t have a better one either..”, Bellamy’s voice was shaking and he looked kind of lost somehow.  
“Hey man.. It’s okay.. I’m not your responsibility. Just..sit down and relax, okay?”  
“Yes you are..”, Bellamy said through gritted teeth and tried to pull himself together.  
“Why can’t you just let go.. It is too late anyway..”, Murphy said tiredly and tugged Bellamy’s sleeve.  
_Because I am selfish_ , Bellamy thought, but didn’t say it out loud.  
“You are a fighter, a survivor! I am not giving you up so would you please stop being an ass and join my team?”, he asked almost pleadingly and Murphy didn’t know what to say anymore.  
“I don’t know if I can even trust you ever again..”, he said eventually and looked down. “Or anyone..”  
Bellamy covered his healthy hand with his and waited until Murphy looked into his eyes again before he kept talking.  
“Let me prove it. Please.. Hey.. If I don’t bring you back, Octavia had practiced her fake smile for nothing.”  
Murphy let out a subdued laughter.  
“I don’t get it.. Why do people think I am a pain in the ass when there are people like you around..”, he said in a joking way and Bellamy gave him a sweet smile.  
“Whatever.. just do it.. Can’t get worse, right?”, Murphy surrendered eventually and offered his injured arm for Bellamy to start the treatment.  
Bellamy sighed out of relief and nodded.  
“That’s my boy..”  
“Shut up..”

Bellamy left to get some more useful stuff and knelt down between table and couch as he got everything together.  
He forced himself to just focus on the work but still his hands didn’t want to stop shaking as he started with cleaning the wound first.  
Then he took some of the slimy, dark green plants to cut them open with a knife and saw that there was actually a translucent gel coming out of them.  
He sent out a silent prayer that this might help before he covered Murphy’s wound with them step by step.  
“Do you even know if this is the right plant?”, Murphy asked and Bellamy shook his head.  
“Okay.. Great.”, he shrugged and watched how the other guy wrapped everything up in some clean fabric.  
“I hope this will do it. Drink more water, I’ll pack everything for the journey.”, Bellamy said and was about to get up but Murphy grabbed his arm.  
“Bellamy, you need to rest. Look, I understand how badly you want to be a superhero but you need to sleep at least a little..”, he said but the wannabe hero shook his head eagerly.  
“We can’t waste any more time.”  
“Yeah but we also can’t risk that you collapse in the desert. Sleep. I will wake you up in two hours, okay?”, he suggested and Bellamy knew that Murphy was right. Adrenaline kept him on his feet but he could barely keep his eyes open.  
“Two hours..”, he finally agreed.  
“There’s a bedroom next to the kitchen. You can have it, I stay here.”, Murphy offered but Bellamy shook his head again.  
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you.”, he decided and plonked himself down on the couch.  
Once more Murphy felt his heartbeat rising but managed somehow to not show his inner confusion.  
“Alright. As you wish, Boss.”, he just said, shifted over to one corner and pulled a pillow onto his lap since the couch wasn’t long enough for anyone to lay down anyway.  
No longer able to fight his tiredness, Bellamy curled up on the couch and buried his face in the soft cushion.  
The last thing he felt as he closed his eyes was that Murphy pulled a blanket over him.  
Despite the bad condition his friend was in, this was Bellamy’s personal heaven and with that though, he drifted over into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Murphy couldn’t help himself but watch his new regained friend while he was sleeping.  
It still felt surreal that he was here and the longer he looked at him, the more he realized how much he had missed that stupid face.  
He flicked his finger against a strain of Bellamy’s black, curly hair and smiled ruefully.  
Murphy was sure that he would never see him again but now he was glad that he was wrong.

After about an hour, Bellamy started shifting from one side to another, what somehow started to become annoying so Murphy tired out different things to keep him still.  
It didn’t take long until he discovered that playing with Bellamy’s hair seemed to calm him so he just kept doing it while remembering everything that had happened between them.  
“I never really wanted to see you dead, you know..”, he silently confessed, “I was just so… angry.. and hurt. I wanted to hurt you back.. It’s good that you’re still here..”, he said silently, feeling safe that his potential lifesaver was still sleeping.

“It worked..”, Bellamy suddenly mumbled and Murphy froze in his motion, his fingers still buried in the other guy’s soft hair.  
Bellamy rolled on his back and looked at him with sleepy eyes.  
“You hurt me. Mostly because I understood how much pain I caused you. And I deserved that. I don’t even want to imagine how it would be if you were gone..”  
“Alright..got it. You can’t live without me.. Back to sleep now, you still have an hour.”  
“How am I supposed to sleep when I don’t know if you are still there when I wake up?”, he kept babbling and looked like he was half dozing again.  
“Well… don’t expect me to sing a lullaby or something..”, Murphy said, still insecure what to think about his friend’s sudden fear to lose him. “I will be here. I promise. I feel much better already.”, he lied eventually but Bellamy seemed to buy it because he closed his eyes and dropped off again.

Murphy kept watching over his sleep for hours, enjoying the peaceful silence, mixed with Bellamy’s even breathing.  
He looked so carefree, almost innocent and it wouldn’t be the worst last thing on earth to see before leaving this world forever.  
He knew that the chance to make it back to Camp Jaha alive was low, almost not given, actually.  
The journey would be too long and too exhausting but in the end it didn’t matter where he died as long as Bellamy was with him.  
The least he could do was giving him the feeling that he tried everything and a motivation to make it back as fast and far as possible until his dying breath.  
“However this is going to end,” he mumbled, “I’m glad that you found me..”

***


	7. Now or never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Murphy and Bell probably have a little too much fun for being in a dangerous, hopeless situation, but I blame the Whiskey :'D  
> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter ^^;;;

 

 

 

*** 7 ***

 

 

 

 

 

This time, Bellamy was haunted by a different dream.  
He saw dead bodies, children..  
As he walked by, one little boy looked up at him through empty eyes, telling him his dad is in training to go to the ground.  
Bellamy looked at his own hands and they were covered with blood.

When he woke up, he felt as empty as the eyes of the little boy, not realizing where he was at first.  
His cheeks felt damp and he rolled over, snuggling his face against Murphy’s belly.  
Murphy…The only person on this planet who gave him comfort..  
Wait…how long did he sleep? Why did he wake up on his own when this certain person was supposed to wake him up?  
Within seconds he was wide awake and sat up straight, looking at his friend.  
Chills ran up and down his spine and his heart skipped a beat, but then he saw that Murphy was breathing.  
“Hey..”, he whispered, touching the other guys shoulder, shaking it carefully to wake him up.  
Murphy’s eyelids started to flutter and Bellamy felt a rush of relief as he opened his eyes and blinked at him sleepily.  
“I think we overslept… I go check what time it is..”, Bellamy explained and Murphy covered his mouth with his hand to hide a yawn.  
“Nah.. I let you sleep.. you needed it..”, he mumbled and Bellamy seemed not amused.  
“How long?”  
“Quite a bit.. I don’t know, seven- eight hours.. Don’t know how long I was asleep, though.”  
“You said two hours.”, Bellamy grumbled and stood up.   
“But you needed more..”, Murphy argued tiredly, his lazy eyes following his friend, who walked out of the room without saying anything.  
He was angry because they didn’t have any time to waste.   
On the other hand, he also didn’t want to fight about this since there was no way to get the lost hours back anyway.  
“Are you mad at me now?”, Murphy asked into the silence, slightly annoyed, and waited for Bellamy to answer him.  
“Whatever. How much do you think you can carry, considering that I will carry you?”, Bellamy asked as he returned with a backpack he found in the other room.  
“Take as much as you can. We can always drop things. And don’t forget to take some booze.”, Murphy grinned but Bellamy’s expression remained dead serious.  
“I’m not in the mood for jokes.”, he said and filled any empty bottle he could find with fresh water.  
“Yeah, I can see that. And I’m not joking. Nights are getting colder you know? We could need something to at least warm us from inside.”  
Bellamy thought about it for a moment and nodded.  
“Probably not the worst idea. Can you roll up the blanket? Think we could use that too.”  
Murphy did as he was told, though he was feeling dizzy somehow, but this wasn’t the right time to show how weak he actually felt.   
Also he decided not to mention, that he somehow hoped he could drink away the pain his infection was causing him.  
After the water and whiskey, Bellamy stuffed the backpack with food until no more space was left.  
“Guess that’s all. Anything else you want to take with you?”, he asked and looked at Murphy but he shook his head, handed over the blanket and watched how Bellamy attached it to the backpack.  
“Guess I have to come back for the motorbike later anyway.”, he joked and Bellamy’s features softened.  
“Come on now.. Let’s do this.”   
“No breakfast?”, Murphy asked, struggling to stand up.  
“I’m not hungry. You?”, he asked in return and offered him a helping hand.  
Murphy looked at him and hesitated before he took it. “No..”, he whispered and fought against the will to shove Bellamy away.  
In the end he surrendered and let the stronger guy stabilize him and with his help, they made it out of the lighthouse.  
It was dark outside and so cold that they could see their own breaths.  
“We wasted a whole day.”, Bellamy stated and looked up into the clear sky.  
“I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. Try to look less cute next time.”, Murphy said in a sarcastic way, though it was actually the truth.  
“You watched me?”  
“You occupied my lap. There wasn’t anything else left to do.”  
“Fair. By the way, since when are so many kind words coming out of your mouth?”  
“If people would have stopped to constantly telling me to shut up, you would have noticed earlier.”  
Bellamy smiled.  
“I’m sorry for that too. You have my permission to speak freely whenever you want.”  
“How generous.”, Murphy said, but smiled back weakly.  
“Hey, can you cover up the solar panel for the lighthouse? I don’t want anyone to find my holiday home.”  
“Your holiday home…”, Bellamy grinned and swept some dirt over the panel with his foot.  
Murphy rolled with his eyes. “Our…holiday home, if you like that better.”  
“It has a ring to it.”, Bellamy determined and helped Murphy to get down to the beach.  
They reached the boat and Murphy seemed perplex by something.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“This isn’t the boat we came with.. It was damaged from the attack..”  
“Speaking of… What did you mean when you said a sea monster almost bit off your arm?”  
Murphy shuddered as he thought back to that night.  
“You hadn’t had any problems coming here?”, he asked instead of answering and Bellamy shook his head while he stowed the backpack in the boat.  
“Maybe they were still full with Craig and Richards..”, Murphy mumbled to himself but Bellamy heard him very well and looked up with concern. “What exactly are you talking about?”  
Murphy sighed and looked into the distance.  
“We got attacked by giant worms or something like that. I tried to help Richards, pull him out of the water, but it was too late. That was where I got injured.. Craig panicked and Jaha threw him into the water… Fed him to those beasts to save us. Sometimes we have to sacrifice the few to save the many, he said… I still hear him scream.. I watched how that thing ate him up alive.. What if they come back.. We don’t have a Craig to sacrifice this time..”  
Bellamy felt his stomach twist.  
The sea looked so peaceful and nothing had disturbed him while he was coming here.  
It didn’t even cross his mind that it could be full of danger.  
“I guess we have to take that risk.. If we stay here, you will die.. And I won’t let that happen..”, he said full of resolution and grabbed Murphy’s healthy wrist.  
“Come on. It’s now or never..”

Murphy nodded and let Bellamy help him to get into the boat.  
“Let’s hope they lost their appetite for Sky People..”

-

Bellamy didn’t know how long he was rowing until he felt the need for a little break. An hour maybe?  
He could still see the light of the lighthouse in the distance.  
Murphy has wrapped himself into the blanket and took a swig from the whiskey bottle. His hand was shaking from the cold.  
Bellamy only felt it in his face, since the physical effort kept his body warm.

“Are you alright?”, he asked obviously worried and Murphy nodded, though he didn’t look alright at all.  
Bellamy grabbed a bottle of water to quench his thirst and watched his quiet passenger for a while.  
“Can I do anything to make you feel better?”, he asked eventually and Murphy looked up, his gloomy eyes reflecting the moonlight.  
“I’m fine..”, he assured with a shaky voice and Bellamy felt like something was choking him.  
Was it really the right decision to take Murphy on this journey in his condition?  
“Do you wanna go back?”, he asked and tried not to start crying. He didn’t want to give up, but...  
“No.”, Murphy said, “Keep going. The faster you row, the sooner we come to a place that is warmer than this. I wish I could help you, but..”  
“No. You just try to..stay alive..okay?”

Bellamy was about to keep rowing, as suddenly the little boat was hit by an impact from below, that made both passengers cringe with fear.  
“Get away from the water!!”, Murphy yelled and pulled Bellamy down.  
He used the blanket to hide them from whatever would come up to look for anything eatable.  
Once more the boat got hit very hard and Bellamy pulled Murphy into his arms, out of protective instinct.  
“It started exactly like this…”, Murphy pointed out, slightly panicking.  
“Shhh… We’ll be alright.. I got you..”, Bellamy whispered and it seemed to work because Murphy slowly calmed down.  
After all this time of rejection, he felt for once like this could be for real.  
He had stumbled into a hole of hatred he dug for himself from his first day on earth and kept falling but no one had been there to catch him or to draw him out, until now.  
“I got you..”, Bellamy repeated softly and Murphy wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer.  
“You’re warm..”, he mumbled and Bellamy shuddered as he felt Murphy’s hot, whiskey-scented breath brushing his neck, suddenly becoming aware of the the closeness.  
“If we pretend we are not here, maybe it goes away…”, Bellamy suggested, trying to keep his voice steady.  
“Maybe..”  
Another bump against the boat signalized that the thing was still there, though.  
“Tell me something..”, Murphy requested, because he needed distraction.  
“What should I tell you?”  
“Anything.. What happened with the weathermen? What have you been doing all the time?”

Bellamy took a deep breath and started to feel sick as he thought back.  
“I don’t think you really wanna hear that.. I did terrible things..”  
Murphy snorted with laughter.  
“Hey, you are talking to the psychopath who killed two of our own people with his bare hands.. I think you can speak freely.”  
“I killed a man with my bare hands, too. Later I met his little son who proudly told me about his dad. Until that I didn’t even know there were children in that mountain.. We had to kill them all with radiation; everyone in Mount Weather, including the people who helped us, Jasper’s girlfriend and all the innocent children.”  
Murphy remained silent for a while.  
“They wouldn’t have stayed innocent children for long, you know?”, he said eventually.  
“It was us or them.. I went through the whole thing to get in. They captured me, locked me up in a cage like an animal. They hung me up to bleed me, it was terrifying.”, he said and reminded himself that Murphy must have been through worse when the grounders had kept him captured for torture.  
“Then you did right..”  
“How am I supposed to handle that our people treat me like a hero when I feel like the worst piece of shit on this planet?”, he asked quietly and Murphy sighed.  
“Is that why you want me back? So you don’t have to be the only piece of shit?”  
“Stop saying that. I want you back because.. because you are one of us and… because you matter. And if people refuse to forgive you, I will make them.”

With the next impact, he suddenly felt Murphy’s lips on his and forgot how to breathe for a moment.  
Was this really happening?  
Murphy was kind of forcing at first, his fingers buried in Bellamy’s tousled hair, trying to hold him in place but as he slowly realized that no pushback was given, his whole body relaxed.  
Bellamy closed his eyes and the reality around him vanished.  
All he sensed was how those soft lips were caressing his and he automatically joined the tender interaction.  
It was Murphy who pulled back after a while, breathing heavily.  
“Do you hear that?”, he whispered but Bellamy was too caught in the sensation of what just happened to understand.  
“No?”, he replied and hoped for an explanation for the kiss instead.  
“Exactly.”, Murphy pushed away the blanket and breathed in some fresh air.  
Bellamy bobbed up and looked around, realizing that the sea was calm again.  
“Looks like it is gone.”  
“Well. Now this is awkward. I thought we were about to die. You know.. Now or never and stuff..”  
“I see. You used me.”, Bellamy said, playing hurt, but actually he hoped to find out what this was really about.  
Murphy rubbed his nose and shrugged. “At least I can scratch that off the list.”  
Bellamy suddenly smirked as he realized what was going on. “Wait.. you never..?”  
“Shut up.” ,Murphy interrupted and looked at him angrily. “I mean it. If I don’t survive this and you tell anyone that I died as a fucking virgin, my ghost will hunt you forever.”  
“No thank you, have been there before.”  
“What?”  
“Nothing. Listen. You won’t die as a virgin okay, because I will bring you back in time and you will be alright.”, Bellamy promised and reached out for the whiskey to take a sip.  
“And we all know, opportunities at the camp are unlimited for me.”, Murphy said cynically and ripped the bottle out of Bellamy’s hands. “Cheers.”

“Okay.. fine. I’ll do it with you in whatever way you want, just hold on, okay?”

Murphy choked on the whiskey and looked at his opponent with an amused spark in his eyes.  
“Did you really just say that? Hey, I can say it’s the fever talking, what’s your excuse?”  
“I guess I don’t have one.” Bellamy was glad that it was dark because he felt heat rising in his cheeks.  
A wry smile appeared on Murphy’s lips.  
“Well, thanks for your sacrifice, I’ll get back to that if I feel really desperate someday.”, he assured with dry sarcasm.  
They exchanged glances and suddenly Bellamy couldn’t hold back a ripple of laughter, though he had been very serious about his offer and he was happy to see that Murphy laughed a little as well.

He took off his jacket and threw it over to Murphy before he grabbed the oars and continued rowing, somehow feeling highly energetic now.  
Murphy caught it with one hand and gave Bellamy a questioning look.  
“You need it more than me. Keep yourself warm.”, he smiled and Murphy nodded.  
“Thanks..”

 

 

***

 

 


End file.
